There is a snarling troll here.

> EXAMINE TROLL

He's an ugly son of a bitch, that's for sure. He's small and green, like a Ninja Turtle run over by a steamroller and inflated with a bicycle pump. He's got a face that probably even his mother swat at with a baseball bat to make it go away. He's got large rainbow colored hair shooting out from the top of his head, making him look like a giant paintbrush of gayness.

> PICK UP TROLL

Why you'd want to do that is beyond my understanding. However, to facilitate progress in the game, I'll describe what happens. You say, "Hey baby. If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" to which the troll responds with a snarl. Undeterred, you remove your pants and gyrate to the soundtrack playing in the back of your head. The troll is momentarily stunned, aghast at your behavior. He is not turned on at all. It's just that trolls don't have genitals (they are born from moonbeams - like Smurfs, only taller) and seeing your junk flailing about like that is as mesmerizing as it is disturbing. After the troll regains his composure, he snarls.

> WEAR PANTS

Probably a good idea.

> ASK TROLL

What do you want to ask the troll about?

> ASK TROLL ABOUT CAVE

The troll snarls in response.

> ASK TROLL ABOUT BEEF JERKY

The troll snarls in response.

> ASK TROLL ABOUT GAY HAIRCUT

The troll snarls in response.

> ASK TROLL ABOUT CAR INSURANCE

He says you can save up to fifteen percent by switching to Geico.

> KILL TROLL

With what would you like to kill the troll?

> INVENTORY

Your pockets contain:
A lit match.
No pile of leaves.

> KILL TROLL WITH MATCH

Knowing that trolls are as flammable as a toddler's pajamas, you rub the small flame against the troll's leg. The troll punches you in the face.

> KILL TROLL WITH KINDNESS

You hug the troll. It is not reciprocated. In fact, it leads to a long and painful sequence of beatings that are probably best left undescribed for fear that such graphic descriptions could influence the younger players to go into a violent frenzy of violent violence. So, instead this game will do the responsible thing and only describe the aftermath of such horrific and graphic violence. I'll only say that the troll looked REALLY cool while doing it. I'll bet he gets laid a LOT.

> KILL TROLL WITH BARE HANDS

You leap towards the troll, hands tensed into a throttling pose, but at the last second, you trip over your own feet and tumble towards the troll's feet. The troll snarls. Then the troll kicks you in the head. Then he snarls again.

> SNARL AT TROLL

You do your best snarl (and it was indeed a one of your best snarls - top five at least, if not top three). The troll cocks an eyebrow and looks at you quizzically. It snarls back.

> SNARL AT TROLL

You make a second attempt at communication, this time with another snarl. It was a good snarl, but not in the same league as the previous snarl. Now THAT was a snarl. This snarl was just okay. Certainly not the worst snarl, but middling somewhere around mediocrity in the snarl continuum.

The troll suddenly gets really angry.