| Wine Cellar (points: 2/10) |
You are in a small man made enclosure carved out of the stone foundation of the ugly white house. Adorning each wall is a small wine rack. You wonder what reason a stupid ugly white house such as this would have for a wine cellar, but then you realize there is not actually any wine here. A staircase leads up back into the house.
> INVENTORY
In your pockets, you hold:
A lit match.
A pile of leaves.
> DROP PILE OF LEAVES
Dropped.
> INVENTORY
In your pockets, you hold:
A lit match.
No pile of leaves.
> EXAMINE WINE RACK
Which one? The wine rack on the east wall or the west wall?
> EXAMINE WINE RACK ON THE EAST WALL
The rack is filled with a variety of objects. Barbies, stuffed animals, dolls, jars with what appear to be human body parts floating in luminescent goo, shrunken heads, empty Pepsi bottles that really should be recycled, a book on the finer points of needlework, photographs of the Kennedy assassination, and various other knick knacks of variable suspiciousness. It appears that the previous occupant decided that the whole wine thing wasn't working out, but hey, he had some racks and all, so he found everything he could that would fit on it in order to justify its existence.
> EXAMINE BARBIES
There's a bunch of nondescript Barbies on the rack, none with clothes. They really do present unrealistic body images to young girls, but that's the least of your worries at the moment. Oh, over in the corner is Barbie's handicapable friend Becky. Mattel really is progressive in that way. How many other companies allow you to undress and sexually objectify the paraplegic? Not many, that's for sure. Four or five, tops.
> EXAMINE WINE RACK ON THE WEST WALL
The wine rack on the west wall is without wine. Wouldn't want it any other way. You wonder what weird whim wiggled into the wandering will of whatever wacky woman wanted a wine rack without wine. Whatever it was, it wasn't worth wondering about, was it? Whatever.
The flame of your lit match dances as you move it closer to the rack. There is a subtle breeze wafting outward from it.
> PUSH WINE RACK ON THE WEST WALL
It won't budge. You are too weak. If only your ability to carry seventy different objects of various sizes, shapes, and wieldliness transfered over into some sort of physical strength, but alas, it is more due to your special pants than your capabilities as a juggler. They are special trousers given only to adventurers aiming to break into strange houses to collect special points that don't really mean anything.
> PULL WINE RACK ON THE WEST WALL
The rack opens to reveal a dark passage leading west.
> EXAMINE PASSAGE
It is dark and it leads west.
> WEST
The Large Cavern
You are standing in a large natural cavern, complete with stalactites and stalagmites and even a stalagmanite. Paths lead in all directions.
> EXAMINE STALACTITE
A deposit, usually of calcium carbonate, shaped like an icicle, hanging from the roof of a cave or the like, and formed by the dripping of percolating calcareous water.
> EXAMINE STALAGMITE
It's like an upside down stalactite, but I prefer to think of them as floor stabbies.
> EXAMINE STALAGMANITE
The lesser known little cousin to the stalagmite and stalactite, the stalagmanite is a special type of calcium deposit with the defining characteristic of being humorously phallic in shape. If you are ever wandering around a cave on a tour and the teenage girls behind you start giggling uncontrollably, that is usually the result of having passed a stalagmanite. Either that or you sat in a puddle and your pants have become translucent revealing your boxer shorts covered in little hearts. Both are natural formations usually found in caverns.
>
