> EAST

The door is boarded up. I think I mentioned this previously.

> EXAMINE BOREDS

They are bored and there are a lot of them. Perhaps you are not playing the game in an interesting manner? Perhaps it is your second grade level spelling capabilities which are making progress uneventful. We may never know.

> EXAMINE BOARDS

They are boards nailed across the door, barring entry. If only you had a hammer, or a least a black belt in some eastern martial arts dicipline.

> EXAMINE MAILBOX

It is shaped like a large plastic trout, where the mailbox lid makes an amusing, if somewhat trite fish mouth.

> PICK UP MAILBOX

You try your best lines. The mailbox is unimpressed.

> TAKE MAILBOX

(against its will)
Trying to rape a mailbox shaped like a large plastic trout is surely not the best use of your time. You could, for example, not do that.

> OPEN MAILBOX

Opening the mailbox reveals:
A leaflet.
A toolbox.

> READ LEAFLET

The leaflet explains that you may already be a winner. You are not. I know these things. It is my gift... my curse...

> EXAMINE TOOLBOX

The toolbox is small, metal, and red, with the words "CRAFTSMAN" printed in bold, attractive letters across the top. One of the corners is dented in, but other than that, it is quite a pleasant toolbox. It really is quite mind boggling why someone would put a perfectly good toolbox like this in a mailbox. It makes no sense at all, and yet, there it is. The logic of such an action is sure to be the subject of much discussion in internet chatrooms for years to come.

> EXAMINE RED

It is very nice, but not as nice as the small.

> OPEN TOOLBOX

Opening the toolbox reveals:
A hammer.

> TAKE HAMMER

Taken.

> EXAMINE HAMMER

It is practically brand new and in perfect shape, save for the clump of what appears to be hair, blood, and brain matter.

> REMOVE BOREDS

(with the hammer)
Done. It was a massacre. They never stood a chance against your mighty hammer.

> REMOVE BOARDS

(with the hammer)
One by one, you pry off each of the boards covering the door, getting a splinter in the process.

> OPEN DOOR

There is no door knob on the door, making it impossible to open. If only you had a spare door knob or at least some termites and a lot of free time.